He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
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