May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
