I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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