So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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