HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
