She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
