Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
