Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
