I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
