She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
