I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
