I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
