you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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