uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it hurts more in the daytime
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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