We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
