Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
