Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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