end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
