Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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