my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
