Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
