I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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