Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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