Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
