this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Is it penis luge time yet?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
