I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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