yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
