dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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