the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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