Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
