he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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