she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
