didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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