I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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