whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
