i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
thus making me awesome and them whores
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
