Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
