Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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