So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
