If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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