I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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