I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
