just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i now understand why vodka
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
