i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
