And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
