i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
