By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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