I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
