I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
