just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
