Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
