peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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