Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
