Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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